Do You Feel Understood?

POSTED 08 01 2019

Do You Feel Understood?

"Nothing hurts a good soul and a kind heart more...
than to live amongst people
who can’t understand it."
- Ali Ibn Abu Talib

Feeling understood is one of our most fundamental human needs. Studies show that central to our experience of fulfillment in life is our need to belong and feel understood. When those needs are met, our sense of well-being can be heightened in the following ways:

Our identity is confirmed, and sense of self is verified

To feel like someone ‘gets’ us is rewarding and validating

In many ways, feeling understood is tantamount to feeling socially recognized, or 'endorsed'

We are accepted

When our true intentions are recognized, we may feel more empowered to attempt and accomplish things that we might not otherwise be driven to do

We don't feel a need to 'explain' ourselves

Both Mazlow and his Hierarchy of Needs, as well as Tony Robbins' writings on our Six Human Needs, identify what makes people tick. Mazlow says our need to be seen and understood would fall into the need to belong and be loved (the third in the hierarchy after basic physical needs like food, water, shelter, safety, etc.).

In Tony Robbin’s Six Human Needs, Significance, and Love/Connection also speak to the need for being seen, heard, and understood.

THE ART OF AUTHENTICITY

When we feel understood, we are more apt to relate fully to others; we are more willing to be open and vulnerable with them. We experience more satisfaction and joy in those relationships because we can be ourselves. As Carl Nassar said… "When we feel understood, we show [others] our true selves—flaws and all. In turn, they are more likely to be vulnerable and honest with us." This is the art of authenticity.

Feeling understood connects us to others, and will ultimately determine who our inner circle will be. We are created for relationship, and it is in our inner circle of non-judgment where we will thrive.

BUT, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE ARE NOT (OR DON’T FEEL) UNDERSTOOD?

Sometimes, one of the hardest burdens to bear through life is feeling that we are not understood, or accepted - especially by those we care about the most. The connection and trust between us and the other person may feel severed - especially when gossip is involved. We may feel alone, betrayed, or even rejected to some degree — and, at times, despairingly so.

All of us, at one point or another, will experience such feelings. But, how we respond to those feelings will make all the difference in our lives.

HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH

We can spend valuable time and precious energy trying to explain ourselves, trying to correct the misconceptions and perspectives of others - or, we can hold our head up high, tap into our inner strength, and rise above. It's important to remember that we all have different personalities, temperaments, and opinions - and, that's okay! So, stay positive, never allow your self worth to waiver, and move on.

Surround yourself with those who are like-minded, who 'do' understand you, who know you, and who share your values. Stay open minded about learning from those who don't. Many times, they serve as our teachers in one way or another.

It's also important to remain cognizant about the necessity of balancing our desires to be understood with understanding others!

As St. Francis of Assisi said in his Prayer for Peace:

"May we not so much seek to be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand.
To be loved as to love,
For it is in giving that we receive."

With this in mind, we are more likely to remain authentic, happy, at peace, and be the best, strongest, most lovable version of ourselves.

Articles & Inspiration