Shhh, Please Don't Tell Anyone...
Shhh, Please Don't Tell Anyone...
When we ask someone to keep what we tell them in confidence, it means we do not want them to repeat the information we shared.
but, are we sharing confidential information with trustworthy people?
Researchers found that many women will typically spill the beans to someone else in 47 hours and 15 minutes. Men admit to blabbing a secret within minutes of first being told about it.
A study of 3,000 women, between 18 and 65, also found that four in ten were unable to keep a secret - no matter how personal or confidential the news was. The study, commissioned by Michel Cox, director of UK Wines of Chile, found that the average woman hears three pieces of gossip each week, and will pass it on to at least one other person, if not more. One in 20 men said they would share a piece of gossip with at least five different people, including their partner, friends, and work colleagues.
Everyone knows that one of the most basic rules of any relationship is...'never break a confidence.' That rule should really go without saying since, well, it is truly about going without saying. When a confidence is broken, trust is broken.
Relationships thrive on trust and commitment. Most of us have a desire to have our privacy maintained. Unfortunately, there may be times when it isn't, and the destructive cycle of gossip begins.
WHY DO PEOPLE BREAK CONFIDENCES?
For some, having some insider information is like having money that’s burning a hole in their pocket. They lack discipline and character. For others, if there’s the slightest bump in a relationship, they may reveal your information, or make up their own; they may use it as leverage, a means of revenge, or a quick fix to make them feel better and gain control. Some simply get carried away and unthinkingly gossip about others to contribute to a conversation in return for a moment of feeling popular and gaining attention.
Whatever the reason, they don’t recognize the damage they may cause in revealing your secrets, and the result of gossip is the same: It Significantly Harms and Divides...
The need to share
Sometimes, nothing feels better than telling all to someone we think we can trust. We sometimes feel a need to get things off our chest, a need to process our own experiences or struggles. We use others at times as sounding boards to help with decisions, to seek advice, or often just to validate our feelings.
We assume they won’t tell a soul. Sadly, more often than not - they do...
Brene Brown says, "Our stories aren't meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share" : "Who has earned the right to hear my story?"
choose wisely
Choose those who you share your stories with wisely. If you don't, your request for them to 'please not tell anyone' may fall on deaf ears. Your friend, family member, or co-worker may turn to someone else and say the same thing... ‘shhh, please don't tell anyone...' and share your information. Their friend tells another, and so on and so on.
Your secrets become common knowledge while it passes through more ears and minds, each putting their own spin on it. This is gossip at its worst. Or, perhaps that would be gossip at its most destructive best. And, no one emerges a winner.
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS PROVIDE SECURITY, NOT WORRY
Clearly, it is up to us to manage the revelation of our confidences. If we can’t trust a person, we need to refrain from communicating confidential information to them.
do unto others
Remember, the scale tips both ways. If you tell someone you won't repeat what they’ve told you, don't. Being an example of the integrity and trust we desire in others certainly increases our chances of finding others in our life who will be, and do, the same. We often get what we give!
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