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How's Your Verbal Tone?

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How's Your Verbal Tone?

Our tone of voice when speaking to others is an overlooked yet critical component to healthy and effective communication. How we speak and deliver our messages - from a simple hello, question, response or comment - is central to how we are heard and perceived.


Up to 90% of our quarrels erupt due to using the wrong tone of voice.

Communication is about how we transmit our messages and how they are received. How we express ourselves in tone determines the quality of our communication and the stability of our relationships.

Your tone of voice can range from cold to warm, from critical to supportive, or from authoritative and condescending to collaborative and encouraging.


ripple effect

Words, comments, and/or responses that have a sarcastic, cold, condescending or judgmental tone will have a negative emotional impact on others. They can feel toxic and shut someone down, turn off motivation, create unnecessary conflict, close possibilities and disrupt peace in any relationship. Loving, cheerful and kind tones, on the other hand, leave us energized, supported, and cultivate healthy bonds rooted in respect, kindness and trust.

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

tips that will make a positive difference

1. Awareness and Mindfulness is key: In order to achieve the best results in our relationships, we must be mindful of our emotions and tone of voice with others. Delivery is actually more important than our words at times. Being more cognizant about our tone helps us not only communicate and understand ourselves better, but it helps us understand the negative or disturbing tones of others, as well.


2. Pause before speaking: Consider your words, the expression on your face and the tone of your voice when talking and responding to others. Pause and think about your intent and whether you are trying to build someone up, or speaking down to tear them down. Refrain from serving the ego and need to elevate oneself above another; the fact is you will lower yourself considerably if you do not.


3. Phrase things in a positive manner: A positive approach to how we communicate our feelings requires a strength-based stance. Try to re-frame a negative comment or tone into a positive one.


4. Think about your listener: How might he or she hear you and feel? If you cannot speak from a loving, kind place, and out of genuine warmth and positive energy, it’s an opportunity to address and overcome whatever is going on within you.


5. Don’t take it personally: If you’re the recipient of someone else’s negative tone and energy, don’t react or take it personally. Realize that it’s about them or the issues they are dealing with, not you, and distance yourself from their toxicity.


remember...

It's not always about what we say, it's also about 'how' we say it!


Together, we can make a difference - one kind word (and tone!), one less judgment at a time...


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