FEELING JUDGED? 7 WAYS TO HANDLE YOUR CRITICS

HANDLING OUR CRITICS

We all have critics in our lives who hurt us through their harsh judgments or by gossiping behind our backs. They may do so either intentionally or unintentionally.

We may be criticized about our career choice, living situation, life-partner (or lack thereof), child-rearing decisions, political affiliation, race, appearance, or religion... to name a few. An effective way to handle our critics is to follow these 7 steps...

1. Feel the feeling, then let it go

It is natural to feel hurt, and very easy to become riled up, angry or defensive when we are betrayed, gossiped about, or judged. Feel the feeling. This doesn’t mean wallowing in the pain. Simply allow yourself to feel whatever emotion is provoked, then quickly let it go. Practice awareness and notice how you respond to difficult people.

Resistance creates more suffering, but accepting our own discomfort is the first step to healing and growth.

2. find your own truth

Every challenge with our critics provide us with an opportunity to embrace our own feelings, fears, and insecurities. When we feel hurt, misunderstood, or are bothered about something, it’s often because it triggers some unresolved emotion within ourselves.

In recognizing this, we can practice compassionate self-inquiry, without anger or judgment toward ourselves or others. We get closer to our own truths while working on ourselves rather than trying to change others, or win their approval.

3. Cultivate curiosity

Learn to have an open and curious mind toward critical behavior. We don’t need to judge or label the judgments of others, but a deep sense of curiosity around why people may be behaving or saying such things creates ongoing opportunities for insight and empowerment.

With this sense of curiosity, we’re better able to understand our critics and practice compassion for their own pain and suffering. Remember, hurt people hurt people.

4. be vulnerable with wisdom

How many of us have opened our hearts and revealed our imperfections only to have them be used against us, repeated, or twisted at some point? How many times have you felt unheard and misunderstood? Through trial and error, we learn to exercise better discernment with how much we share, and with whom.

As Brene Brown says, “Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share, ‘Who has earned the right to hear my story?’ Is this a person I trust?"

5. Refuel and recharge

It’s important to take time and create space (even if it’s just five minutes) to do something to recharge and refuel when exposed to direct or indirect negative energy. When we’re the subject of unhealthy critics, taking a walk, a few slow deep breaths or practicing meditation is a healthy way to re-ground ourselves. Don’t let your sense of calm, self-esteem, or worthiness stray for too long.

6. know that being judged or gossiped about isn't about you

How many times have you felt the thorn of negative energy and ice coming from others?

Harsh critics, negative and judgmental people, and those who gossip about others are simply revealing their own insecurities and struggles. Always remember that their behaviors, bad energy and words define them - not you.

7. stay grounded

We've all been put on this earth for an important reason. Stay grounded on your path; forgive and exercise compassion for your critics from a distance. Most importantly, surround yourself with people who have your back, who build you up, and cheer you on!

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